this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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