please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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