The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize