in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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