U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
