So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
