I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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