Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
