Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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