Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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