Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
