evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
