he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
