I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
