I can tuck mytits in my pants
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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