The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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