I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
