wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
