I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
