I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
