took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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