I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
