I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
