I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
