I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
