i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize