i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I accidentally burped into my bong.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
