i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
