I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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