Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
