It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
