the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I didn't notice because vodka
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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