I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
