i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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