I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
