Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
this just has baby written all over it
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
