i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
