i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
