let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
