Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
