My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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