I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
