I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
