I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
