The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
