i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
