I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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