you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize