Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
