Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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