why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
