so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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