i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
