Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
