ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
