I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
