i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
