Sponge bath it is.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
