bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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