Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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