Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
