My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Screwed.edu
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
