I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Houston, we have a squirter
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
