I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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