oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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