Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
