i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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