We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
