He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
