there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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