highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
