Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
