my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
