He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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