I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
