you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sext me about skeletons
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
