i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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