I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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