I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
