The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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