I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
only you would photoshop your dick
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
