How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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