Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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