Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
