What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She's the barista slut.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize