The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize