Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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