recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
