Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
