The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
