I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
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