Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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