margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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