Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
