I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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