wat bout pragnant strippers??
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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