No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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