Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Life is so much better after having sex.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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