I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
