Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
