is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
