The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Randomize