Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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