So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
how drunk are you?
Several
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
